Be Still and Sleep

The following is another post (actually it's two) from my personal blog. It's something that was on my mind during our session but there wasn't time to relate the story and it wasn't necessary to our weekend. Sharing the details on our blog however, gives me opportunity to share a little more and I hope you don't mind my taking license to do so. These were written in February of 2007 about Ivan who would have been almost 15 months at the time. I am sharing because I think it reflects our need to be still as children of God. Just like I shared about Moses being able to still the people because he had a knowledge of God's faithfulness, we must be able to still ourselves knowing that He is our caring Father and our reigning King.



This has been a hard day. I love being a parent, and I love my children, but today was one of those testing days where you wonder if you're qualified and if maybe you should have been licensed before signing up to be a caregiver to such young and fragile creatures.

Ivan was sick yesterday, low fever part of the day but gone this morning. After taking him from his crib and holding him a while I noticed his breathing was strained and he was just miserable and exhausted. I prayed and held him all day. I got him some great stuff at Orbit per Becky's suggestion and I know it's helping, but results aren't swift, at least not as swift as I'd like, and all day I've been questioning everything. Should I take him to the doctor? Should I give him this? Should I keep him from eating that? What if he's really ill?..what if it's more serious than I'm aware?..what if?..what if?..what if?..was the mantra, and I had to banish it under my feet constantly.

One of the drawbacks of being a somewhat creative person is that my mind not only comes up with good stories or witty things to say, it also festers with dramatic scenarios of pain and suffering. I can imagine things that no one should ever dwell on and today those images were almost constant. Cast your cares on Him...I would remind myself, take every thought captive...By His stripes Ivan is healed...at least the arsenal is ready when needed. It's just exhausting to fight myself all day. He did have a fever again after his nap and I did call the doctors office and the nurse suggested a few things to do and said if he's not better by morning to bring him in. He will be better by morning. I trust that God will bless him abundantly as he sleeps tonight.

I feel better just writing it out. All evening after putting the little guy to bed I have felt confident that tomorrow would be a much better day and therefore the title of this post...if this day ended early I could move on to tomorrow.

Habakkuk 3:18 "Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation."



After posting last night I still had a long way until morning. Kris and I listened and debated what to do with our little wheezing baby. Of course it got worse as night fell and I began to get scared. Should I take him to the ER? I really didn't want to do that. At one point I decided to try sitting up with him thinking that an upright position would help him breath more freely. He did do much better that way but let it be known about 30 minutes later that the bed was where he wanted to be. His cough was almost constant so we did end up giving him a bit of over-the-counter medicine for that and he did stop coughing for a few hours which I think helped him with his breathing as well.

I was a wreck. Now, from where I slept I couldn't hear the coughing which was my only signal that he was actually breathing at all. I had prayed earlier and told God that I needed Him to care for Ivan, I gave Ivan over to God and asked Him to be his Father. I told Him that I trusted Him and that I would do whatever He told me to do. Would you believe that God told me to go to bed and then challenged my earlier resignation? "If you trust me...don't check on him."

"What?! How can I sleep?" I questioned.

I struggled, but believed I had heard from God, and that it was more important that I be obedient and show my trust than to worry over my baby and hover over his bed every thirty minutes. For me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, when the lights go out and I am tired it is much harder to control my emotions. I was in anguish, and finally got up and physically knelt to pray for peace if I was going to be obedient.

I seriously felt like Ivan could die in those moments. How could I just lie in bed and not make sure that he was still breathing? I finally resigned my position and let God be God...telling myself all the true things about God's love, His power, His mercy, His constant care was not what helped me. I had to resign to His position. He is King and I had to obey. It was strange, but all the other stuff became believable when I submitted to Him as LORD. I laid my head on my pillow and I slept.

Ivan did wake up about three times, crying and I went to him to comfort him, give him his pacifier and cover him up again. Each time, his forehead felt a little cooler, his breathing a bit more peaceful until at 4:00 a.m. he was cool and his breathing just slightly heavy.

I felt victorious. I felt like I could now trust God for anything. It was as if I had to leave Ivan with Him for the night and not interrupt whatever process God was using to make him better and I felt truly grateful for His care.

Ivan was still a bit ill all day today but leaps and bounds better than yesterday. No fever today and his breathing, though heavy, was never bad enough to cause me concern. He just sounded congested. He didn't cough as much, didn't need as much attention and even laughed a few times. I laid him in his crib with confidence tonight, knowing that His heavenly Daddy would be watching over him constantly.