I Am SAHM

Last night I watched a film with the boys about animals. It's called "Life" and it's made by BBC the same folks that made the series "Planet Earth." It's an amazing piece of art with camera work that is just astounding. The perspective given is sometimes breathtaking and I am continuously in awe of God's handiwork. His ability to create such diverse creatures and land forms and then to stage a balance in all of it.

The portion we watched last night had a segment on animal mothers. It was intriguing to see the work and sacrifice that some creatures go through just to bring their offspring into the world. One portion really struck me and the impression that landed on me first was, I think, a perspective from the Holy Spirit, maybe for some of you.

There is an octopus that lays her eggs in a small crevice or cave and never again leaves that space. She lives just long enough to protect and nourish her eggs, even maintaining her purpose in her last act as she blows water over them to help them hatch. She doesn't eat during this time and for as long as 50 days she guards her offspring. The narrator claimed that she doesn't eat at all during this period and therefore *starves herself to protect her young. As the eggs hatch, she lays dieing nearby and they leave the nest as fully formed, though very tiny, octopuses.

As I said, I was struck by this image of a mother sacrificing this way to bring her children into the world and I immediately was impressed that many women view the "SAHM" or "Stay at Home Mom" this way. She no longer gets out of the cave, she lives in the sheltered confines of a child driven home, full of only what it takes to raise cute little versions of herself. She never again lives with any thought for her own needs, but rather, she is wholly given to others. Not only are the tiny creatures she protects unaware of her sacrifice, there are no guarantees that they will ever appreciate it. They leave her. What is the point? Where is the reward?

I'm not going to spend a lot of time here saying you will have better kids if you stay home to raise them. I do believe that MY kids are better for having been home with me, but this article isn't about MY kids or even yours. This is about you.

I stay home as a mom because I believe it is the best thing for ME as well as them.

There are days it would be nice to drop my kids off with someone and spend my day in a well ordered work space that someone else cleans and maintains. There are days when I would like nothing more than to find a bit of satisfaction in a paycheck for what I do. There are days I would like to have a five o'clock. An end to my work day that signifies change and the ability to relinquish the bulk of the day's responsibility and drive to my home because home is where I relax, not where I work. But that is not what God has called me to and it is not typically what I want.

I have the great opportunity to see the moments my children are living. I see their wonder as they learn new things, I see their frustrations and their weaknesses, I see them at their best and I see them at their worst. I don't have all the answers, but I do have the perspective of knowing them best when their emotions get the better of them. I get to calm their fears, rock away their tired energy and join in their banter around the lunch table. I get to bandage their knees and put ice on their bumps. I get to play games with them and hear their songs and stories as they play.

I also get to discipline them. I get to ensure that issues are solved and punishments are dealt. I see first hand their shortcomings and their weaknesses and I get to teach them and build them up through encouragement, discipline and sometimes punishment. I get to weigh each situation they encounter, pray over it and be led by God in doling out the proper reciprocation. Yes, this is good for them, but it's good for me too. I don't wonder if someone else is leading my child astray, I don't question anyone else's judgment, I don't have to fear them coming home with unmet needs or confusion. They are mine and I am theirs and we deal with things as they come together.

I believe being a stay at home mom gives me a stronger bond with my husband. He trusts me. That's something I hold very dear to my heart. I respect him and his opinion very highly and I am honored that he trusts me with the care of our children. More than that, I am blessed to share the concerns and cares of our household with him. Very few things interrupt that united desire to see our children grow and thrive in our home. His work concerns and stresses are a necessary part of being the provider in our home. My concerns and stresses are not foreign to him because they are a part of my role as his helper. I am the representative of our family that manages our home and it's occupants. What I do is not a lone responsibility, it is a shared and highly prioritized mission. Were I to work outside the home, I am confident that he would care about what I do, but it would never be the same deep interest that we share in my work as caretaker in our family.

Lastly, I am not dying here. I am growing each day in my interests and desires, not just for my children but for my own calling as a daughter to a loving Heavenly Father. I am able to attend Bible studies and pick up the Word of God throughout quiet moments, planned and unplanned, throughout my day. I am able to hear from Him regarding my children and my husband yes, but about myself as well. He is quick to tell me His great regard for me and my abilities, as well as His dreams and vision for my future. He does not see me losing my youth for my children, He sees me gaining wisdom for His Kingdom purposes. I am alive and I thrive on the time I have to soak in the experiences of being a mom to little ones. They teach me and I am better for being with them.

Do not take this as a judgment on yourselves if it is impossible to stay home with your kids. That is NOT at all my intention. I simply want you to see the benefits should God open the door for you to be ABLE to do it. Let Him lead you, let Him comfort you, and let His patience in all of it bring you contentment and joy in your personal every day life. I know that not everyone is called to be a SAHM. I just don't want you to let any preconceived ideas, clouded opinions or deceived talk show hosts rob you of the opportunity that could be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

Walk wisely ladies, you are incredible women of God, doing great things for His kingdom. I'm looking forward to our coming Distaff Side retreat and making plans to share some wonderful things God is planting in my heart.

*According to Wikipedia "They neglect to eat during the (roughly) one month period spent taking care of their unhatched eggs, but they do not die of starvation. Endocrine secretions from the two optic glands are the cause of genetically programmed death (and if these glands are surgically removed, the octopus may live many months beyond reproduction, until she finally starves).